Archive for redbull fueled commentary

Some Light Tiger Woods Commentary

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on December 10, 2009 by bigstudaddy50

A lil intro….

I don’t follow golf. I don’t pretend to follow golf. Granted a sport where guys just hit balls into grassy areas, all the while trying to avoid the non grassy areas has never interested me that much. Besides John Daly, (a veritable dick joke gold mine) the only golfer who I can even distinguish from the others is Tiger Woods.  Why is this? Is it the fact that hes the only black guy? No, no of course not….theres…..

/Searches memory for another black golfer…..

…..umm Michael Jordan plays right? Anyways, it has nothing to do with race, it has everything to do with the fact that the dude is the most successful athlete in any sport ever. It’s like he’s the Godfather 2 and every other golfer is Never Back Down. Imagine being 10 times better than everyone else at anything. It would probably get pretty boring right? Well what does a guy do when he gets bored with what hes expected to do? MJ tried to play baseball. John Belushi turned to drugs. Tiger just turned to pussy……

Jesus Titty Fucking Christ I Hate Rick Reilly

The story linked above is the latest in a long line of absolute horse shit produced by the uptight sportswriters of America. Please don’t click on it or your computer may start smelling worse than John Dalys taint. Rick Reilly is essentially all the worst of Jay Mariotti, Mike Lupica, and Woody Paige rolled into one. They mail in 9 outta 10 columns….waiting for an athlete screw-up on a similar(although often smaller) scale to the Tiger Woods story. Then in typical fashion, they pounce. They are shocked…..FUCKING SHOCKED that a young rich athlete could possibly be screwing someone other than his wife. Then they predictably tell him, in their most holier-than-thou tone, what he should do now. ”He should go on Oprah”  Spews Reilly. WHY? So he can sit there as a room full of women can shame him for doing what any fucking guy would’ve done. Lemme repeat that……….HE IS THE RICHEST ATHLETE ON EARTH….HE IS 33……WOMEN THROW THEMSELVES AT HIM…..

Babe Ruth did it. Wilt Chamberlain did it. Magic Johnson did it. The 90’s Cowboys turned cheating on their wives into an art form. All those guys were the best at their jobs during their respective periods, they all fucked everything that moved, so why are we so shocked that Tiger Woods, the most dominant athlete in the world, did it? Is it because hes plays a tamer, more uptight sport? Is it because his image, unlike that of say- Michael Irvin, has been carefully crafted since he burst into our consciousness? Or is it because in a world where ESPN, the king of the ”Sanitize and Criticize” style of sports reporting would like you to believe that all athletes are good family men who volunteer at their local soup kitchen, have never touched drugs or alcohol, and certainly would NEVER (channels inner Chris Jericho) EVVVVVERRRR….have a laundry list of groupies! The reason ESPN tries to hide the ”bad” stuff from us? They have to sell these athletes to their advertisers. As much as ESPN would like to make their on-air talent the stars of the show- the athletes are, and in ESPN’s Disney-fied thinking….that just won’t sell.

Now What?

The ideal situation? Tiger divorces his wife, continues the Hoe-slaying in a way unseen since Wilt, and continues dominating golf…all the while shoving it in the holier-than-thou sports writers faces and daring sponsors to drop him. The more likely situation? He goes on Oprah, cries more than Erin Andrews, does a sit down where Reilly gives him verbal eskimo kisses for 15 minutes straight, his sponsors take him back, and this is never(Jericho one more time) EVVVVVERRRR spoken of again. Because God knows Gillette wouldn’t want their razor associated with someone who gets laid alot……