The Post Week 1 Mailbag…..


SATAN

So half the teams in the NFL are sitting pretty at 1-0. The other half are in full apocalyptic panic mode at 0-1. Unless your the Detroit Lions and your absolutely sure you’ll suck. People went crazy over the weekend. In an effort to survey the situation I decided it was time for a mailbag….

Q: Who is the worst head coach in the NFL?

Justin, Miami

A: Holy shit….I just looked at the list….there soo many terrible options…..Mangini’s awful…..Jauron is bad…..Norv Turner brings down the collective talent level of those around him…..but the WORST in the NFL? Washington’s own Jim Zorn! The man has the intelligence of a cumstain.

Q: Would you hit Skip Bayless with a truck if you were given the chance??

Mark, Inwood

A: Just hit with a truck? But he could possibly live if I hit him with a truck? No, Skip Bayless deserves to be raped with a blowtorch by Terrell Owens.

Q: Will Tyson Gay, or anyone for that matter, ever defeat Usain Bolt’s record in the 100 meter dash?

A: Ah! A non- sports anyone cares about question!  Yes, Bolt’s record will be broken at the next Olympics by a yet un-named black guy on steriods. It’ll happen, ESPN’s commentators will jizz their pants over it, then 4 months later noone will care.

Q: Based on the past 2-3 seasons, which division in both the AFC and the NFC would you say is the weakest and why?

Jim, Atlanta

A: Oh its without a doubt the West’s in both conferences. I mean just look at some of teams in those divisions, the Raiders……Chiefs….Rams….49ers……four of the worst organizations in pro football in those 2 divisions…..plus look at the best teams……the Cardinals…Seahawks….Broncos….sure the Chargers have been good, but com’on, their coached by Norv Turner!

Q: Is it weird that even on Madden, Ray Lewis jumps on the pile late and gets credit for a tackle?

Billy, Morgantown

A: No, not weird atall. I’ve found this years Madden to be the most realistic yet. Have you seen the Shawne Merriman punch female fan graphic? Or, the the announcers making excuses for Brett Favre cut scene? This games incredible!

Q: Who Should Tennessee Coach Lane Kiffin start at quarterback for the rest of the season: Jonathan Crompton or Nick Stephens? And on a scale of 1 to 10 what would you rate Lane Kiffin’s wife?

Matt, Shepherdstown

A: I can’t claim to care much about Tennessee football…the whole ”Hey were crazy and inbred!” thing just doesn’t make me care. So I guess whoever Florida’s defense doesn’t kill this weekend will be the starter by default. As for Layla Kiffin lets ask someone who is a fan of SEC football…..

(Buffet Door Flies Open)

billy-bob-ron-lester-in-varsity-blues

SHES A 10! A 10! A 10!

(suffers heart attack)

 

Q: Do you think Serena Williams should be disqualified from further Open tournaments?

DP, Morgantown

A: No she shouldn’t…shes popular and gets people to watch. For those of you who didn’t see what happened here a brief review….

Line Judge: Out!

Serena: WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK IS AN OUT! SERENA DOESN’T HIT OUT! I WILL SHOVE THIS BALL UP YOUR ASS! I WILL FUCK YOU WITH A FLAMIN’ RACKET!

Line Judge: Your being docked a point.

(Skirt rips….mustache appears….hair falls out)

 

SerShawne: YOU FUCKING BITCH! I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU! ARRRHHHHHRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

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