AFC Predictions……


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(One of these things is not like the other.)

Predictions are very easy to make, less easy to make correctly. People have been making predictions about the NFL season since the last one ended. Sure those were mostly ESPN’s array of generic ex-players who can barely read, but it becomes excessive nonetheless. I think right now is the best time to make predictions, the preseason is over, all the roster moves have been made(minus the eventual Jeff Garcia signing), some dumbass player will surely get arrested this week, but we don’t know who. Kurt Warner DUI arrest anyone? With that said heres my predictions for the NFL season. If you use these to bet, you are fucking retarded. The playoff teams are in CAPS.

AFC EAST

1. PATRIOTS

2. Jets

3. Dolphins

4. Bills

The Bills had intresting sleeper potential, until they fired their offensive coordinator before the fucking season even started, plus their coached by Dick Jauron, the NFL coaching eqivalent of a Make-a-Wish kid. Miami will come back down to earth, New York will be in every game but fall just short. New England will pass their way to 12-4.

AFC SOUTH

1. TEXANS

2. COLTS

3. Jags

4. Titans

I refuse to believe a team lead by Kerry Collins can win the division 2 years in a row. That being said, this will be the NFL’s most competitive division. The Jags will be better that last year, but a lack of receiving talent and the rookie offensive tackles will hurt them at key moments. Indy will miss Marvin Harrison, not because Anthony Gonzalez will suck, but because the group their trying to fit in the #3 role in their usually deadly 3-receiver offense will not produce. Still, Pey-Pey and their bend but don’t break defense will be enough to slide into the playoffs. I know it’s been said damn near every year, but this is the Texans year.  They have the offense, but now the also have the D.

AFC SOUTH

1. RAVENS

2. BENGALS

3. Steelers

4. Browns

If Dick Jauron is the NFL’s Make-A-Wish kid, Browns coach Eric Mangni is the slightly retarded kid whose a dick. The Browns will be in contention through week 2. Pittsburgh will make the usual post-SuperBowl fall, highlighted by 1million Steelers fans breaking their ankles as they jump off the bandwagon. Cincinnati get’s in as the traditional ”how the fuck did they make it” team. Plus after watching Hard Knocks its impossible not to root for this group of thugs and functionally retarded adults. The Ravens D will still be the best in football, and Joe Flacco will surprise with his passing this season.

AFC WEST

1. BRONCOS

2. Chiefs

3. Chargers

4. Raiders

This divison is a clusterfuck of terrible coaches and terrible owners. The Raiders win 2 games with JaSuckass at QB. San Diego says go fuck yourself to Norv. KC is semi competent under task master Haley. The Denver Broncos have had the roughest off-season in NFL history. That being said, I cant see Kyle Orton winning in a similar way he did in Chicago, with the defense doing just enough to pull 8-8.

(NFC Predictions tomorrow)

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