32 Dick Jokes/Thoughts About the 2009 NFL Season:NFC Edition


 

 

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Yes, for the 4 of you out there still reading, I know I never finished the NFL Previews from the old site, I’m lazy. In its place I will cut out the analysis and cut straight to what makes you read this damn thing in the 1st place, my semi-racist jokes. Here it is….

NFC EAST:

Dallas: Tony Romo and Jason Witten will reveal themselves to be the NFL’s 1st openly gay players, followed by dually demanding to be traded to the 49er’s.

Washington: After Dan Synder tries to get ever retired NFL great from Marino to Elway to come out of retirement, Jason Campbell will storm into Synder’s office and beat the ever-loving shit out of him. Vinnie Cerrato will comment that ”It wasn’t any worse that the beating Mr. Snyder gave me last night.”

Philly:  After a late Mike Vike fumble costs them a Week 7 win at Washington, Andy Reid will tell the media ”He’s killed once, he can kill again.”

NYG: Off to a 4-0 start, Eli Manning’s bedtime will be increased to 10:00PM; he will promptly eat too much icecream and miss practice the next day.

NFC SOUTH

New Orleans: Reggie Bush will get back together with Kim Kardashian. Full of confidence, he will try to fuck her without a board strapped to his ass for the 1st time, falling in her giant pussy and breaking both arms.

Tampa Bay: The Bucs will win 3 games this year, no highlights will be shown of any of the 16 games, and noone will complain.

Carolina: Jake Delhomme will set an NFL record by throwing 90 interceptions.

Atlanta: The city will set the fight against racism back 50 years by cheering Mike Vick in Week 13.

 

NFC North

Chicago: SNL will create a viral hit called ”Jizz in my Bears.”

Green Bay: Tragedy will strike when Aaron Rodgers eyes completely cross, causeing his head to completly explode.

Detroit: Matt Millen will be the honorary captain for the Thanksgiving Day game, he will be shot mid-field by and armed Joey Harrington.

Minnesota: ”Fuck Brett Favre” will become the most searched topic on Google.

NFC West:

San Francisco: After a division-clinching win against Arizona in Week 14, Mike Singeltary will pretend to pull his pants down. Joe Buck will call it ”disgusting”.

Seattle: Jim Mora, in an attempt to embrace Seattle’s culture, will cut himself after a tough loss.

Arizona: Anquan Boldin will finally stop being a whiny bitch.

St.Louis: Mark Bulger will suck for the 6th straight year with noone noticeing.

 

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