So I’ve started posting my longer stuff here- http://www.pointsincase.com/blogs/jeremy-stewart 

I’ll still post here when I dont have as much to say on a certain subject. So go read my new thing. Peace Fuckers.

A lil intro….

I don’t follow golf. I don’t pretend to follow golf. Granted a sport where guys just hit balls into grassy areas, all the while trying to avoid the non grassy areas has never interested me that much. Besides John Daly, (a veritable dick joke gold mine) the only golfer who I can even distinguish from the others is Tiger Woods.  Why is this? Is it the fact that hes the only black guy? No, no of course not….theres…..

/Searches memory for another black golfer…..

…..umm Michael Jordan plays right? Anyways, it has nothing to do with race, it has everything to do with the fact that the dude is the most successful athlete in any sport ever. It’s like he’s the Godfather 2 and every other golfer is Never Back Down. Imagine being 10 times better than everyone else at anything. It would probably get pretty boring right? Well what does a guy do when he gets bored with what hes expected to do? MJ tried to play baseball. John Belushi turned to drugs. Tiger just turned to pussy……

Jesus Titty Fucking Christ I Hate Rick Reilly

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=reilly_rick&id=4727383

The story linked above is the latest in a long line of absolute horse shit produced by the uptight sportswriters of America. Please don’t click on it or your computer may start smelling worse than John Dalys taint. Rick Reilly is essentially all the worst of Jay Mariotti, Mike Lupica, and Woody Paige rolled into one. They mail in 9 outta 10 columns….waiting for an athlete screw-up on a similar(although often smaller) scale to the Tiger Woods story. Then in typical fashion, they pounce. They are shocked…..FUCKING SHOCKED that a young rich athlete could possibly be screwing someone other than his wife. Then they predictably tell him, in their most holier-than-thou tone, what he should do now. ”He should go on Oprah”  Spews Reilly. WHY? So he can sit there as a room full of women can shame him for doing what any fucking guy would’ve done. Lemme repeat that……….HE IS THE RICHEST ATHLETE ON EARTH….HE IS 33……WOMEN THROW THEMSELVES AT HIM…..

Babe Ruth did it. Wilt Chamberlain did it. Magic Johnson did it. The 90′s Cowboys turned cheating on their wives into an art form. All those guys were the best at their jobs during their respective periods, they all fucked everything that moved, so why are we so shocked that Tiger Woods, the most dominant athlete in the world, did it? Is it because hes plays a tamer, more uptight sport? Is it because his image, unlike that of say- Michael Irvin, has been carefully crafted since he burst into our consciousness? Or is it because in a world where ESPN, the king of the ”Sanitize and Criticize” style of sports reporting would like you to believe that all athletes are good family men who volunteer at their local soup kitchen, have never touched drugs or alcohol, and certainly would NEVER (channels inner Chris Jericho) EVVVVVERRRR….have a laundry list of groupies! The reason ESPN tries to hide the ”bad” stuff from us? They have to sell these athletes to their advertisers. As much as ESPN would like to make their on-air talent the stars of the show- the athletes are, and in ESPN’s Disney-fied thinking….that just won’t sell.

Now What?

The ideal situation? Tiger divorces his wife, continues the Hoe-slaying in a way unseen since Wilt, and continues dominating golf…all the while shoving it in the holier-than-thou sports writers faces and daring sponsors to drop him. The more likely situation? He goes on Oprah, cries more than Erin Andrews, does a sit down where Reilly gives him verbal eskimo kisses for 15 minutes straight, his sponsors take him back, and this is never(Jericho one more time) EVVVVVERRRR spoken of again. Because God knows Gillette wouldn’t want their razor associated with someone who gets laid alot……

8.- The Knicks might suck, but Danilo Gallinari is for real.

We knew going in that this Knicks season was going to be an epic tank-job. The Knicks are a team of overpaid vets with expiring contracts (Larry Hughes, Al Harrington), young future bench guys (Jordan Hill, Toney Douglas) 2 young fringe starters (Wilson Chandler, David Lee) and one big tittied under-achiever (Courtney Love Eddy Curry). Even with that line-up of has-beens, might-bes and never was’. One player stands out-Danilo Gallinari.  He’s the one guy on this team that can be a top-3 guy on a contender and a guy whose shooting, defensive effort, and versatility will complement Lebron James and the other new Knicks next season  perfectly.

7.- Lebron James is effing gone.

The Cavs tried. They tried so damn hard. But their failure to bring in a second banana to play next to and grow up with LeBron will turn into one of the biggest mind blowing fuck-ups in NBA history. Shaq and Big Z are walking corpes. Mo Williams defense can be best described as ”broken condom-like”.  Yes, the Cavs are 15-5. But what reason have they given LeBron to stay? Wheres his Pippen? It’s not there and it will never be there.

6. NBA GM’s are predictably kicking themselves over missing on DeJuan Blair.

How much more obvious could it have been? The guys rough low-post game is built for double-doubles. He completely bitched out #2 overall pick Hasheem Thabeet, seen here-

What more did GM’s need to see?

5. Greg Oden will never make it.

Saturday nights knee injury was the nail in Odens over grown, over-hyped, foul-prone coffin. The guys body is as sturdy as post-wipe toilet paper.

4.  The Thunder are on the cusp.

Now THIS is how you build a team! When Durants contract is up, is he really going to leave a probable playoff contender with Russell Westbrook, Jeff Green(a poor mans Shawn Marion), and James Harden(smartly brought off the bench to avoid too much pressure). This team is a big time Center away from contending and unlike most of the GM’s in the league, I have faith that he’ll be able to find him.

3. David Sterns PC bullshit has gone too-far.

Stern said in a interview with S.I. that he thinks a woman will play in the NBA in the next 10 years. Can’t wait for this to roll across ESPNs bottom line.

”……Chicago Guard Nu’Kana Carter out (Menstrual Cramps)”

2. Boston is back in full-on ”woofing, chest pounding, have to kill us to beat us” mode. 

We know the script by now. If KG, Pierce, and Shuttleworth stay healthy, their the Eastern Conferences best. Why just the Eastern Confernces best? Well….

1. The Lakers have assembled a near-perfect roster.

No team has as flexible a line-up as the Lakers. Wanna go small? Fine they’ll throw out Gasol, Odom, Kobe, Fisher, and Farmar. Wanna go big? Fine they’ll go with Bynum, Gasol, Odom, Artest, and Kobe. Their backups know their roles. They have everything to low you out and an absolute end of game killer in Kobe. I can’t see anyone beating these guys this year.

Whats up people? So yea I havent posted in a lil while. Was dealing with a thing called ”Ohsweettimeoff” followed by a badcase of ”Ohgodfinalseverywhere”.  Luckily im over that now and just left with some recurring insomnia and a bleeding ear. So like, Tiger Woods symptoms. I’ll make it. Some good shit on the way so continue checkin up.

Nu’Keese Richardson and Mike Edwards, two of the three Tennessee Vols arrested last week, have been ”permanently dismissed” from the football team. So they’ll prolly turn up at another SEC school in 2 years.

(Bring some big fucking marshmallows)

Has your teams coach overseen a large down hill slide after being hired, after your last coach left amongst shady circumstances that will never allow him to enter the state again? Does this coach run the ball directly up the middle on 3rd and 8 with a 180lb slot reciever, only to then go for it on 4th down while your teams down 7, only to lose by 3? Did you just write a 1200 word post on your blog a few days ago (sort of) defending this coach? If these circumstances exist, your coach should probably be fired. These are the guys you may want to see hired.

THE OBVIOUS-

Butch Jones:

Current School- Central Michigan

AGE-41

Record as HC- 22-12

Kevin Sumlin

Current School-Houston

Age-45

Record as HC- 16-6

Bud Foster

Current School-Va. Tech as Defensive Coordinator

Age-50

Credentials as DC- Has been in the top 20 in scoring defense 7 of last 9 years.

THE HOLY SHIT HE’S GETTABLE-

Mike Leach

Current School- Texas Tech

Age- 48

Career Record- 82-42

Completely Obscure

Mark Helfrich

Current Offensive Coordinator at Oregon

Age- 36

1st Season as OC at Oregon, considered one of the top rising coaches in the nation.

 Dear Larry Johnson,

I understand that due to your accidental gay bashing on Twitter(and not your 2.7 ypc) you are now unemployed. I have an employment opportunity for you. In 9 days my buddies and I will be getting together for a Thanksgiving break football game. We have 13 guys. I am writing to you to ask  if you would like to join us as our 14th player so we will have even teams. Now we understand that you might be hesitant to do this. After all, like 8 of us were mediocre High School players. My buddies and I have pooled our money and found $17.56 to pay you to play. I understand that it’s not NFL money but its better than what you have. I look forward to hearing back from you and playing some football with you.

P.S.

You would have to play slot receiver, we’ve got faster guys to play running back. So get on that JUGS machine.

(Hint- It wasn’t these 3…)

3 Tennessee Vol football players were arrested last night for what can kindly be called ”retarded behavior”. Nu’keese Richardson, Mike Edwards, and Janzen Jackson, all freshmen, were arrested for armed robbery outside a gas station near campus. How is this any worse than the usual armed robbery? The gas station is owned by a major UT donor. Not just any major UT donor….the one the fucking practice field is named after. Phil Fulmer thinks this is why you need to pay players.